Discussing the existence of a will can be a sensitive topic for many families. In fact, estate planning is often a topic that many people do not want to address because it brings up the idea of death.
However, one of the best things any adult can do for their family is to have a valid, updated estate plan and communicate with their family members so their intentions are clear and respected.
Choosing the time and place
Believe it or not, the right time to bring this topic up is important. The place where you bring it up also matters. Let’s say you want to approach your parents to discuss whether they have a will, an estate plan and what their end-of-life desires are.
Doing so at the right time, when they are relaxed, feeling positive emotions and when you are all in a tranquil physical space that allows for such a conversation, can make the difference between them welcoming the conversation or stating they do not want to talk about it.
Consider the language you use
Words are very important, and approaching this topic gently can go a long way. Start the discussion by expressing concern for their well-being.
For example, you may say something like, “I have been thinking about how important it is for families to have their affairs in order. Have you and Dad ever thought about creating a will or estate plan?”
Connect with them using shared experiences
If you recently created or updated your estate plan, sharing your experience, why it was important to you to do it, and how you did it, tell them when you begin the conversation.
This can help everyone connect because it normalizes the topic and makes it a two-way conversation about your plans and theirs.
Talk about the advantages
If you find out your parents do not have a will or estate plan or have not updated it in a very long time, encouraging them by sharing the benefits and advantages of having an updated estate plan can allow them to realize that it is essential. However, being tactful will allow them to do so at their own pace.
This may prompt them to follow suit and create or update their estate plan. Do not pressure them, as that can create discomfort.
Be prepared to listen
Listen to your parents with the intent to understand instead of the intention to respond. That way, you can both be sure that you genuinely listen to what they are saying and that you sincerely care about their views, opinions and, ultimately, their wishes.
Discussing estate planning and wills with parents can seem scary, especially if they have not brought it up or if you have absolutely no clue whether they have any documents in place. However, these conversations are necessary so everyone can have peace of mind. Approaching the topic with sensitivity and care will help your parents feel acknowledged, respected and heard.